5 Jun 05
AM in the midst of revamping my web though it is only 4 months old. It will be moved to my PacNet homepage where there is no irritating advertisement.
But this process is more challenging compared to building it from nothing.
First as this one already exists, the urgency to change is not there. Second, there is the pressure that the new one has to be more attractive. Third I am building on something that already exists, will be retaining most of the content.
Isn't life as such? We do not see the urgency to change until the day when we feel the heat and see it as a must. Although not impossible, changing or replacing old habits are more difficult than picking up new ones.
Perhaps also because now is approaching July that I am having butterflies in my stomach. And just moments ago, I felt extremely awful, a mix feeling of excitement and fear.
I have been warned "life will never be the same again". I could choose to ignore, but not this time when I have betted a month's salary, 8 full days of opportunity cost and mid-night cab charges to spend 8 days with 100 total strangers that come from different walks of life, in all ages, shapes and sizes. We have been advised not to make any major decisions for the next 7 days after the program ...
What if after that, I finally found the courage to put down everything and wander around the world? Or go for LASIK operation? What if changes turned out to be worse?
To be honest, deep inside, I know the greatest anxiety come from what if life is back to normal after the program, what if nothing will change at all? What if it turned out to be just another empty promise? What if it took away my belief that I can choose the life I want?
Change is definitely scary, but no change prickles me more.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Growing Up (6 Apr 05)
IN Kit Chan's interview, she said she had been looking forward to the big "Three" when she was in her twenties and she felt good being now in her 30s.
I used to look forward to that too when I was young. Like every child, I wanted to to grow up so that I could start work and be financially independent, be confident and attractive. I longed to grow up and painted the future beautifully. I believed in and was optimistic about my future.
You would have known that life, however, is not a bed of roses. As you get older and expose more of yourself to the outside world, your perception of life will no longer be the same as when you were just a child.
What has age done to me?
I no longer cry for or hug my stuff toys. Have even done the most cruel thing of wrapping my Disney Babies in plastic sheet so that they will not get dirty, and the only attention they get from me is when I am doing cleaning, which is only once in a few months (my PC is more lucky).
I become more lazy and do less housework. Looking at me now, you won't believe that yours truly used to feel proud of washing the dishes and sweeping the floor at her tender age of 6. From ironing my father's handkerchieves to climbing up the chair to clean that window, I took pride and was full of zest.
I no longer sing in the bus, sit in the hawker way and speak the way I feel. Do you agree that when we get older, we become more conscious of how others look at us? How often do we buy unnecessarly things due to the pressure of the scornful sales assistant? We think we are, but in opposite we become less confident, hence behave the ways others expect us of, in order to gain recognition.
When was the last time I laughed out heartily? Used to be a fan of Stephen Chow's movies. I would laugh till tears rolled down my cheeks. Can't remember when was the last time I was amused by his movies. Perhaps it's his movies that are no longer funny.
My world was small then but I was passionate and dared to face life. I ran away from home whenever I quarrelled with my parents and so often, almost every week, that I had to store my clothes in big plastic bag for ease of leaving (of course always came home at 6.30pm for dinner, with that bag of clothes). Every year, my mother would change a plastic bag for me even years after I have lost the courage to leave.
When you were young, there was nothing much to fear because you didn't know much, you didn't know the danger. You believed and trusted people. You were easily contented. Life was simpler, more distinct: either left or right, black or white.
In my secondary one English Literature lesson, we came across a poem about children. It said that a child's heart is pure and innocent. However, when he gets older, things change and he lost the gold.
Growing up is unavoidable. But one has the option of keeping or losing the gold.
The choice is yours.
I used to look forward to that too when I was young. Like every child, I wanted to to grow up so that I could start work and be financially independent, be confident and attractive. I longed to grow up and painted the future beautifully. I believed in and was optimistic about my future.
You would have known that life, however, is not a bed of roses. As you get older and expose more of yourself to the outside world, your perception of life will no longer be the same as when you were just a child.
What has age done to me?
I no longer cry for or hug my stuff toys. Have even done the most cruel thing of wrapping my Disney Babies in plastic sheet so that they will not get dirty, and the only attention they get from me is when I am doing cleaning, which is only once in a few months (my PC is more lucky).
I become more lazy and do less housework. Looking at me now, you won't believe that yours truly used to feel proud of washing the dishes and sweeping the floor at her tender age of 6. From ironing my father's handkerchieves to climbing up the chair to clean that window, I took pride and was full of zest.
I no longer sing in the bus, sit in the hawker way and speak the way I feel. Do you agree that when we get older, we become more conscious of how others look at us? How often do we buy unnecessarly things due to the pressure of the scornful sales assistant? We think we are, but in opposite we become less confident, hence behave the ways others expect us of, in order to gain recognition.
When was the last time I laughed out heartily? Used to be a fan of Stephen Chow's movies. I would laugh till tears rolled down my cheeks. Can't remember when was the last time I was amused by his movies. Perhaps it's his movies that are no longer funny.
My world was small then but I was passionate and dared to face life. I ran away from home whenever I quarrelled with my parents and so often, almost every week, that I had to store my clothes in big plastic bag for ease of leaving (of course always came home at 6.30pm for dinner, with that bag of clothes). Every year, my mother would change a plastic bag for me even years after I have lost the courage to leave.
When you were young, there was nothing much to fear because you didn't know much, you didn't know the danger. You believed and trusted people. You were easily contented. Life was simpler, more distinct: either left or right, black or white.
In my secondary one English Literature lesson, we came across a poem about children. It said that a child's heart is pure and innocent. However, when he gets older, things change and he lost the gold.
Growing up is unavoidable. But one has the option of keeping or losing the gold.
The choice is yours.
Pass it On (28 Mar 05)
YESTERDAY was Easter Day and I had the honour to be invited to a church service by an ex-colleague. It has been years since I last stepped into one. I frequent temples more.
Yesterday's service was an enlightening one and it blended with what I have been learning from Stephen Covey's book for the past few weeks. So the timing was good as my "gate of change" was opened.
As I am not a Christian, I shall not quote what had been preached by the Rev. word by word, but in generic terms.
"There is an eternity in the human heart" - that heart is without boundaries and needs something to worship on. That vacuum in the heart needs to be filled. So if you do not have a religion to fall back on, you will be worshipping your career, your money, your love and the list goes on. So don't blame your heart if it is always feeling empty and constantly looking for something to fill that vacuum, because there is eternity planted in the human heart.
"In God's economics, everything has its value. Everything that takes place is to mould your character" - I love this best. Every pain that you have suffered, every step that you have taken, every decision, every consequence has its value as it happens to mould your character. Everything happens for a reason. Everyone has a mission.
"Pass it on. Things that you keep are those that you have given away. You remember things better that when you pass it on" - like what I am doing now, sharing with you what I have learned, what have crossed my path and what have touched my heart.
Pass it on.
Yesterday's service was an enlightening one and it blended with what I have been learning from Stephen Covey's book for the past few weeks. So the timing was good as my "gate of change" was opened.
As I am not a Christian, I shall not quote what had been preached by the Rev. word by word, but in generic terms.
"There is an eternity in the human heart" - that heart is without boundaries and needs something to worship on. That vacuum in the heart needs to be filled. So if you do not have a religion to fall back on, you will be worshipping your career, your money, your love and the list goes on. So don't blame your heart if it is always feeling empty and constantly looking for something to fill that vacuum, because there is eternity planted in the human heart.
"In God's economics, everything has its value. Everything that takes place is to mould your character" - I love this best. Every pain that you have suffered, every step that you have taken, every decision, every consequence has its value as it happens to mould your character. Everything happens for a reason. Everyone has a mission.
"Pass it on. Things that you keep are those that you have given away. You remember things better that when you pass it on" - like what I am doing now, sharing with you what I have learned, what have crossed my path and what have touched my heart.
Pass it on.
Month of the Year (8 Mar 05)
RECEIVED an Chinese sms today in celebration of Woman's Day:
" A woman needs not be very beautiful, so long as she is deeply loved. A woman needs not be very wealthy, so long as she is living in happiness. A woman needs not be very powerful, so long as she is leading a life of dignity. "
Being a woman constantly caught up in the mad rat race of life, wanting more and more out of it, at the end of the day, isn't all I want is just to be living happily after all? What is the point pursing those beauty, wealth and fame when eventually not blessed with love and happiness?
This month is a traumatic one for me. Yes, your Missy is 27 turning 28, that is 25+3 = 30-2 = 28.
Don't know when I have started to be dreadful of B-days. Perhaps is when I have passed 25 and considered in "late twenties". Or perhaps is now that I am approaching 30. Actually to be honest, it is not so much of the figures that hurt me, it is more of the fact that I am still at where I am after all these years of slogging, chasing, sacrificing and waiting. Sadly year after year, I have not progressed.
I am giving myself a little present this year. For the first time, I am taking off from work, to release myself from tension and hopefully break from all the rattling.
On this day when the ecliptic and celestial equator crosses each other, when the period of daylight and darkness are of equal length, all I want to do is to free my mind from all thoughts and give my myself some breathing space.
" A woman needs not be very beautiful, so long as she is deeply loved. A woman needs not be very wealthy, so long as she is living in happiness. A woman needs not be very powerful, so long as she is leading a life of dignity. "
Being a woman constantly caught up in the mad rat race of life, wanting more and more out of it, at the end of the day, isn't all I want is just to be living happily after all? What is the point pursing those beauty, wealth and fame when eventually not blessed with love and happiness?
This month is a traumatic one for me. Yes, your Missy is 27 turning 28, that is 25+3 = 30-2 = 28.
Don't know when I have started to be dreadful of B-days. Perhaps is when I have passed 25 and considered in "late twenties". Or perhaps is now that I am approaching 30. Actually to be honest, it is not so much of the figures that hurt me, it is more of the fact that I am still at where I am after all these years of slogging, chasing, sacrificing and waiting. Sadly year after year, I have not progressed.
I am giving myself a little present this year. For the first time, I am taking off from work, to release myself from tension and hopefully break from all the rattling.
On this day when the ecliptic and celestial equator crosses each other, when the period of daylight and darkness are of equal length, all I want to do is to free my mind from all thoughts and give my myself some breathing space.
Powerful Thoughts (20 Feb 05)
THE saying "if you think you can, you can" is not without its logic.
Just came back form my yoga lesson. We were doing a half moon, that is standing on one of your palms and one of your legs, raise the other leg and hand up, with both hands in line. It requires quite a fair bit of your arm and leg strength, as well as good balancing.
I could not do it initially, and kept falling when I tried to straighten my knee. Then I switched from negative thinking that I would fall to positive thinking, visualizing myself standing the way it should be.
I succeeded.
Thoughts are powerful, aren't they?
So keep visualizing the things you want to have or the person you want to be. Keep on dreaming, but be specific in your dreams.
The power is with your thoughts and the thoughts are from you.
Just came back form my yoga lesson. We were doing a half moon, that is standing on one of your palms and one of your legs, raise the other leg and hand up, with both hands in line. It requires quite a fair bit of your arm and leg strength, as well as good balancing.
I could not do it initially, and kept falling when I tried to straighten my knee. Then I switched from negative thinking that I would fall to positive thinking, visualizing myself standing the way it should be.
I succeeded.
Thoughts are powerful, aren't they?
So keep visualizing the things you want to have or the person you want to be. Keep on dreaming, but be specific in your dreams.
The power is with your thoughts and the thoughts are from you.
You Are the One (18 Feb 05)
I am going gaga over Channel 8's 9pm new drama series "You are the One". Love the character played by Jacelyn - a 26 year-old ordinary woman looking for love, been rejected 37 times in matchmaking, yet not giving up.
This is an example of how a person will react when he/she wants something badly. No matter how much dignity or pride it costs her, she will not throw in the towel.
I do not know what you are looking for in your life. But if you want something or be a somebody badly, no matter how tough the circumstances are, you will pull through.
You know you are the only one that can fulfil your own desires. Sacrifices along the way will only make your victories more glorious.
This is an example of how a person will react when he/she wants something badly. No matter how much dignity or pride it costs her, she will not throw in the towel.
I do not know what you are looking for in your life. But if you want something or be a somebody badly, no matter how tough the circumstances are, you will pull through.
You know you are the only one that can fulfil your own desires. Sacrifices along the way will only make your victories more glorious.
Feel Good. Look Good (16 Feb 05)
I was at MPH for half an hour. Intended to look for a book "You Were Born Rich" by Bob Proctor, but ended up at Astronomy and Beauty sections.
You see, I live by my horoscope, be it the Western or the Chinese. The first thing I flipped in a magazine must be horoscope. Every Chinese New Year's eve, I would stay tuned to Channel 8, watching the countdown variety show, not that I fancy the games played or the songs sung, but yes, because I want to know what lies in the year ahead for the year I was borne. I mean no harm knowing.
Back to MPH. I was browsing Jacelyn Tay's "Feel Good. Look Good". The content is not as in-depth as other beauty books and the tips are pretty basic (like drinking more water, indulge on lots of fruits and vegetables, exercise regularly). In fact I find the price of $27 too steep. However, if you are going for pictures, this book promises it. It features pictures of the author standing tall and slender on a weighing machine, reading a book and doing her mediation and yoga. Gorgeous.
Despite all these, I am attracted to a paragraph that she wrote. She said if you could get up in the morning and see a beautiful you in front of the mirror, you would feel good and confident; and when you feel good, the day would just turn out to be a lucky day. When we look good, we possess the inner power to tackle all challenges. That may explain why those rich career women are often good lookers.
With that, I shall live by what Jacelyn preaches: live healthy, and you will be heavenly radiant, triggering positive energy and hence more luck. So, I shall eat more vegetables and fruits (just finished up one tomato!), practice my yoga more regularly and no slouch.
And to bring in more good luck, I must expose myself to co lours, especially the auspicious red. Gone will be the black and white days. Hello, pink and violet!
You see, I live by my horoscope, be it the Western or the Chinese. The first thing I flipped in a magazine must be horoscope. Every Chinese New Year's eve, I would stay tuned to Channel 8, watching the countdown variety show, not that I fancy the games played or the songs sung, but yes, because I want to know what lies in the year ahead for the year I was borne. I mean no harm knowing.
Back to MPH. I was browsing Jacelyn Tay's "Feel Good. Look Good". The content is not as in-depth as other beauty books and the tips are pretty basic (like drinking more water, indulge on lots of fruits and vegetables, exercise regularly). In fact I find the price of $27 too steep. However, if you are going for pictures, this book promises it. It features pictures of the author standing tall and slender on a weighing machine, reading a book and doing her mediation and yoga. Gorgeous.
Despite all these, I am attracted to a paragraph that she wrote. She said if you could get up in the morning and see a beautiful you in front of the mirror, you would feel good and confident; and when you feel good, the day would just turn out to be a lucky day. When we look good, we possess the inner power to tackle all challenges. That may explain why those rich career women are often good lookers.
With that, I shall live by what Jacelyn preaches: live healthy, and you will be heavenly radiant, triggering positive energy and hence more luck. So, I shall eat more vegetables and fruits (just finished up one tomato!), practice my yoga more regularly and no slouch.
And to bring in more good luck, I must expose myself to co lours, especially the auspicious red. Gone will be the black and white days. Hello, pink and violet!
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