Growing Up (6 Apr 05)

IN Kit Chan's interview, she said she had been looking forward to the big "Three" when she was in her twenties and she felt good being now in her 30s.

I used to look forward to that too when I was young. Like every child, I wanted to to grow up so that I could start work and be financially independent, be confident and attractive. I longed to grow up and painted the future beautifully. I believed in and was optimistic about my future.

You would have known that life, however, is not a bed of roses. As you get older and expose more of yourself to the outside world, your perception of life will no longer be the same as when you were just a child.

What has age done to me?

I no longer cry for or hug my stuff toys. Have even done the most cruel thing of wrapping my Disney Babies in plastic sheet so that they will not get dirty, and the only attention they get from me is when I am doing cleaning, which is only once in a few months (my PC is more lucky).

I become more lazy and do less housework. Looking at me now, you won't believe that yours truly used to feel proud of washing the dishes and sweeping the floor at her tender age of 6. From ironing my father's handkerchieves to climbing up the chair to clean that window, I took pride and was full of zest.

I no longer sing in the bus, sit in the hawker way and speak the way I feel. Do you agree that when we get older, we become more conscious of how others look at us? How often do we buy unnecessarly things due to the pressure of the scornful sales assistant? We think we are, but in opposite we become less confident, hence behave the ways others expect us of, in order to gain recognition.

When was the last time I laughed out heartily? Used to be a fan of Stephen Chow's movies. I would laugh till tears rolled down my cheeks. Can't remember when was the last time I was amused by his movies. Perhaps it's his movies that are no longer funny.

My world was small then but I was passionate and dared to face life. I ran away from home whenever I quarrelled with my parents and so often, almost every week, that I had to store my clothes in big plastic bag for ease of leaving (of course always came home at 6.30pm for dinner, with that bag of clothes). Every year, my mother would change a plastic bag for me even years after I have lost the courage to leave.

When you were young, there was nothing much to fear because you didn't know much, you didn't know the danger. You believed and trusted people. You were easily contented. Life was simpler, more distinct: either left or right, black or white.

In my secondary one English Literature lesson, we came across a poem about children. It said that a child's heart is pure and innocent. However, when he gets older, things change and he lost the gold.

Growing up is unavoidable. But one has the option of keeping or losing the gold.

The choice is yours.